When you start breast feeding, it’s suddenly like you have a big sign on your big chest, saying “Feel Free to Invade my Privacy!”
Suddenly everyone in the world becomes an expert on your breasts – everybody but you, apparently.
When I started breast-feeding, my own brother tried to give me a lecture on how to properly clean my nipples! Just because he became a parent before I did, he suddenly thought that he knew more about my breasts than I did!
When my son was born, I was very keen to breastfeed – and breastfeeding was great at first. There’s simply nothing like that intimate connection I had with my son when he fed.
When he was 3 months old, I had to go back to work full time. I really didn’t want to be away from him and I began to get stressed – both from being back at work and missing out on the opportunity to see my baby grow and develop.
As I got more stressed, I noticed a sharp decrease in my breast milk production.
At first, I thought: "No problem! I can talk to my doctor and get lactation drugs, or speak to a le leche consultant.”
Boy, was I wrong. Neither one of them helped. In fact, they each made me feel totally inadequate as a mother for struggling to breastfeed.
My OB GYN was actually very sympathetic, and explained that it was definitely stress causing my milk production to stop. He did say that he didn’t think lactation drugs were the way to go if I couldn’t produce breast milk naturally, but he did agree to prescribe them anyway if I really felt I wanted to keep going. That made me feel great – like he respected my opinion and was giving me control over my body and how I chose to feed my son.
The lactation consultant and le leche league members, on the other hand, were horrible. Utterly, utterly horrible.
I tried going to breast feeding group meetings and the Doctor in charge, who was a women, said that my problem was that I was ‘producing too much milk’ and ‘creating a blockage.’ What the hell? I knew from the size and tautness of my breasts that this was definitely not true.
Then, she tried to say that perhaps my son was latching on wrong, and the fact that he was drinking less subsequently created a decrease in my milk production. This wasn’t accurate either - my son was latching on just fine - I had it checked at the hospital and by my doctor. My son was nothing to do with the problem. My milk was simply decreasing due to stress...
In the end, I had no choice. I simply couldn’t afford not to return to work. We had to switch to formula as we became concerned that my son wasn’t eating enough.
I tried other methods, like pumping breast milk and storing it.
My sister in law, who worked full time and pumped throughout her son’s first year, didn’t have the same problem I did and that, on top of how the lactation consultants had spoken to me, made me feel hugely inadequate.
I was miserable, as I wanted what was best for my son, but my body simply wasn’t reacting the right way and the people I turned to for help gave me no useful advice and criticized me for a physical failure I had no power to control.
I guess some women are luckier than others - that their bodies can deal with stress better than mine. I know several women who had no problem returning to work and pumping throughout. We’re all different and I’ve come to terms with the fact that my milk drying up was not my fault.
But it was so disheartening to go for help and receive no support, even from the so-claimed ‘breast experts.’
When I tried to contact le leche in the first place, the rep took months to get back to me every time I called – and each time they eventually did, they had a different excuse for why it had taken so long.
And it wasn’t just the rep’s fault. The book "The Womenly Art of Breast Feeding" also bothered me. In one chapter, it said to fall asleep with your baby on the bed while breast feeding. While that may be natural, there was no way in hell that I felt safe doing that (which just added to my stress.) I’m sorry, but after having a baby you’re permanently exhausted for the first few months and I was terrified of accidently falling asleep too deeply and rolling onto my baby.
So, yes, sleeping in bed is very relaxing and thus would make breast feeding more easy, but I’d read enough documented cases of babies being crushed or injured on the Internet not to feel comfortable doing it myself. I brought this to the lactation doctor’s atttention and she said: "Oh, no, it’s the most natural thing in the world. You should do it and lie in bed with your baby while you rest."
Um, okay Doc. In your career, you've obviously never met someone who fell asleep while breast feeding and accidentally smothered their child. Scarily enough, when I worked for a major newspaper back in England, I met a mother who that had happened to. As far as I was concerned, it simply wasn’t worth the risk.
No one was of any great help to me - but I learned a lot. I learned that with Baby #2, I needed to control my stress so maybe the milk production would be better. I needed to be more forceful with my Job about breast pumping rights, so I didn’t feel stressed or pressured when I took the time to pump. Laws protecting the rights of breast feeding mothers do exist!
And even if not being stressed didn’t help my situation, I realize now that I need to be a little more of my own advocate with my doctors and specialists. When I milk started drying up, I was interested in trying lactation drugs. I’d studied them and was comfortable with the risks that came along with them - and I was willing to take them to prolong the breast feeding. I should have stuck to my guns and gone with them.
I mean, I even saw a TV show with a mom who had a surrogate bare her child. After another woman had the baby, she took lactation drugs so she could breast feed it herself. Enough women do it to convince me that it’s safe and smart.
I needed to be stronger, and stand by my decision that the drugs were the right thing for me at the time. If I’d have done that, perhaps I’d have been able to keep breast feeding longer and not feel like I’d somehow failed my son.
With baby #2, I feel like I’ll be stronger and more able to deal with these problems. And as for the lactation specialists – who had nothing to offer but criticism, scorn and smug superiority – I say: “Screw them.”
These are my breast, not theirs, so I get to decide what to do with them.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Circumcision: The cruelest cut?
I had a baby sitter over today - and like most Americans would, she questioned why my son was uncircumcised.
I explained to her that it was decision we'd made because we didn't think we had any right to alter our son's body. His body is his property.
She was a little concerned about looking after an uncircumcised boy, as she'd never had to do it before. She looked at his 'boy bits' like she was scared she'd break them!
I explained that you don't treat an uncircumcised penis any different to that of a circumcised boy. The foreskin is physically attached to the glans at this age, which means there's no need to pull it back to clean it, or do anything different.
My husband and I have come up with a lot of opposition to our decision not to have our son circumcised, as it's definitely not the 'norm' in America. I've never been afraid of not being 'normal' though - and certainly wouldn't want to perform surgery on my child's penis simply because 'everybody else does it.'
If you're pondering the circumcision question, I'd recommend asking your pediatrician about the difference or benefits - although in all honesty, but came up with difficulties with our pediatrician. There's so much misunderstanding out there about the whole issue, even amongst doctors. I recommend doing research yourself - like wondering why circumcision isn't practiced in most of Europe and why it's not recommended by pediatricians in Canada, Australia and New Zealand.
On a global scale, America is definitely in a minority in routinely circumcising our children - but it's become so ingrained in our culture that the CDC is even considering recommending circumcisions for all infants.
I have real problems with this. I mean, would you circumcise a girl? Hell no! In fact, it's illegal in the United States to perform any alteration on a baby girl's genitals. So why mess with it on a boy?
I say: Leave it as nature built it, unless there is a problem.
After living in Europe and researching the issue myself, I honestly felt that I could not mutilate my son in that way - and definitely not face his questioning when he became old enough to say "Mom why didn't you leave that decision to me?"
Aside from the traditions of the Jewish religion, circumcision became widely popular amongst non-Jewish people shortly after World War II. What had happened was that, apparently from being on the beach and other sandy conditions for days on end, solders were getting sand in their genital region. The sand damaged the foreskin on the penis and - long story short - loads of solders were finding that they needed a circumcision. As a result, those soldiers had their sons thusly circumsized so they would 'look the same.'
We shouldn't perform circumcisions just for the sake of 'looks' though. That's basically performing plastic surgery on a baby!
And yes, there is a deeply sacred religious reason why the Jewish community performs circumcisions - but lets think about that for a moment. In ancient times the Jewish people came from the desert, where (like with the soldiers in World War II) there was sand... A LOT of sand.
It would be not to wrong to assume that the real reason circumcision became routine (or even that maybe God wanted it done) was because 'his people' were living in sandy conditions and that caused problems for kids with a foreskin (and therefore diminished the population.)
But we don't live in the desert any more, and have access to soap, water and other hygiene products (my uncircumcised husband uses baby wipes to clean his foreskin.)
If today's conditions existed then, I wonder if God would have decreed the same edict amongst his people. I think: No.
This isn't to insult any religion or practice - I'm just questioning the reason behind the practice and merely pointing out that quite a few religious traditions came about out of a practical necessity at the time. God wanted the best for his people at circumcision was then a practical thing. As it's not so important today, I don't think God would require it.
Today, I think God just wants us to try to be a good moral person as much as possible.
I sometimes think that even if I were Jewish (and mind you, I am Half Jewish, as my father is a Jew) I don't think I could honestly bring myself to allow my son to be circumsized. I honestly just felt like it wasn't my right to give him no choice in the matter.
As a woman, I've fought for the right to make decisions about my own body. It would be hypocritical not to offer my son the same right.
There are so many benefits to having a well-cared for uncircumcised penis - and many of the popular reasons for why men should be circumcised are just myths. For any guy who has never had the choice, don't you some times wonder whether having that extra skin would make a world of difference?
Sadly, they'll never know because they weren't given that choice.
Also take this into consideration... The doctors and hospitals who recommend circumcision in America - despite it NOT being recommended in most other countries (including Canada) make money on circumcisions. They get extra money from the insurance companies for performing the procedure. Perhaps, just to sound cynical, that is why they deem it 'necessary' and are lobbying to get the CDC to recommend it for all infants.
Food for thought!
I explained to her that it was decision we'd made because we didn't think we had any right to alter our son's body. His body is his property.
She was a little concerned about looking after an uncircumcised boy, as she'd never had to do it before. She looked at his 'boy bits' like she was scared she'd break them!
I explained that you don't treat an uncircumcised penis any different to that of a circumcised boy. The foreskin is physically attached to the glans at this age, which means there's no need to pull it back to clean it, or do anything different.
My husband and I have come up with a lot of opposition to our decision not to have our son circumcised, as it's definitely not the 'norm' in America. I've never been afraid of not being 'normal' though - and certainly wouldn't want to perform surgery on my child's penis simply because 'everybody else does it.'
If you're pondering the circumcision question, I'd recommend asking your pediatrician about the difference or benefits - although in all honesty, but came up with difficulties with our pediatrician. There's so much misunderstanding out there about the whole issue, even amongst doctors. I recommend doing research yourself - like wondering why circumcision isn't practiced in most of Europe and why it's not recommended by pediatricians in Canada, Australia and New Zealand.
On a global scale, America is definitely in a minority in routinely circumcising our children - but it's become so ingrained in our culture that the CDC is even considering recommending circumcisions for all infants.
I have real problems with this. I mean, would you circumcise a girl? Hell no! In fact, it's illegal in the United States to perform any alteration on a baby girl's genitals. So why mess with it on a boy?
I say: Leave it as nature built it, unless there is a problem.
After living in Europe and researching the issue myself, I honestly felt that I could not mutilate my son in that way - and definitely not face his questioning when he became old enough to say "Mom why didn't you leave that decision to me?"
Aside from the traditions of the Jewish religion, circumcision became widely popular amongst non-Jewish people shortly after World War II. What had happened was that, apparently from being on the beach and other sandy conditions for days on end, solders were getting sand in their genital region. The sand damaged the foreskin on the penis and - long story short - loads of solders were finding that they needed a circumcision. As a result, those soldiers had their sons thusly circumsized so they would 'look the same.'
We shouldn't perform circumcisions just for the sake of 'looks' though. That's basically performing plastic surgery on a baby!
And yes, there is a deeply sacred religious reason why the Jewish community performs circumcisions - but lets think about that for a moment. In ancient times the Jewish people came from the desert, where (like with the soldiers in World War II) there was sand... A LOT of sand.
It would be not to wrong to assume that the real reason circumcision became routine (or even that maybe God wanted it done) was because 'his people' were living in sandy conditions and that caused problems for kids with a foreskin (and therefore diminished the population.)
But we don't live in the desert any more, and have access to soap, water and other hygiene products (my uncircumcised husband uses baby wipes to clean his foreskin.)
If today's conditions existed then, I wonder if God would have decreed the same edict amongst his people. I think: No.
This isn't to insult any religion or practice - I'm just questioning the reason behind the practice and merely pointing out that quite a few religious traditions came about out of a practical necessity at the time. God wanted the best for his people at circumcision was then a practical thing. As it's not so important today, I don't think God would require it.
Today, I think God just wants us to try to be a good moral person as much as possible.
I sometimes think that even if I were Jewish (and mind you, I am Half Jewish, as my father is a Jew) I don't think I could honestly bring myself to allow my son to be circumsized. I honestly just felt like it wasn't my right to give him no choice in the matter.
As a woman, I've fought for the right to make decisions about my own body. It would be hypocritical not to offer my son the same right.
There are so many benefits to having a well-cared for uncircumcised penis - and many of the popular reasons for why men should be circumcised are just myths. For any guy who has never had the choice, don't you some times wonder whether having that extra skin would make a world of difference?
Sadly, they'll never know because they weren't given that choice.
Also take this into consideration... The doctors and hospitals who recommend circumcision in America - despite it NOT being recommended in most other countries (including Canada) make money on circumcisions. They get extra money from the insurance companies for performing the procedure. Perhaps, just to sound cynical, that is why they deem it 'necessary' and are lobbying to get the CDC to recommend it for all infants.
Food for thought!
Missing the Potty
The baby had a good go at potty training today.
He let me know he needed to 'go' and sat patiently on his potty - but eventually got bored, so I let him get up and walk around for a bit (without his diaper on, which he loves!)
...only to find that just a minute later, he'd pooped on the rug!
I know, I know... I need to just simply do what the potty extremists do. I need to relent and put him regular underpants. It's going to be messy - very messy - but it's one of the golden rules of potty training.
Babies find it immensely uncomfortable to 'go' in regular clothes and underpants. Diapers make it clean and comfortable, so waddling about in a full diaper isn't really that much of a bother (so they never feel the urge to control their pooping or peeing, as there's no consquence.
But when they wear 'big boy' clothes - with no diapers - and they poop or pee, it's sticky, smelly and wet. A horrible experience (and for me too, as I have to clean it up!)
But by exposing him to that - and letting my son know that he has knowledge and opportunity to make sure he doesn't make his clothes damp and smelly - he'll get the potty message that much quicker.
It's difficult for a mother to stick to - not only does it contradict my urge to keep things clean, it also means tears and tanrums while Baby discovers (the hard way) that he can't just 'go' any time he wants now.
But soon he'll master the potty. In the mean time, though, accidents will happen - and frequently do!
He let me know he needed to 'go' and sat patiently on his potty - but eventually got bored, so I let him get up and walk around for a bit (without his diaper on, which he loves!)
...only to find that just a minute later, he'd pooped on the rug!
I know, I know... I need to just simply do what the potty extremists do. I need to relent and put him regular underpants. It's going to be messy - very messy - but it's one of the golden rules of potty training.
Babies find it immensely uncomfortable to 'go' in regular clothes and underpants. Diapers make it clean and comfortable, so waddling about in a full diaper isn't really that much of a bother (so they never feel the urge to control their pooping or peeing, as there's no consquence.
But when they wear 'big boy' clothes - with no diapers - and they poop or pee, it's sticky, smelly and wet. A horrible experience (and for me too, as I have to clean it up!)
But by exposing him to that - and letting my son know that he has knowledge and opportunity to make sure he doesn't make his clothes damp and smelly - he'll get the potty message that much quicker.
It's difficult for a mother to stick to - not only does it contradict my urge to keep things clean, it also means tears and tanrums while Baby discovers (the hard way) that he can't just 'go' any time he wants now.
But soon he'll master the potty. In the mean time, though, accidents will happen - and frequently do!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Arm Yourself and Let Down Your Guard: A Quick Guide to Potty Perfection
When you begin potty training at home, arm yourself with books and toys to entertain your infant - and get your little one to sit on the seat long enough to go about their 'business!'
Be sure to praise them with they have 'pee pee’d' or 'pooped' in the potty.
Just start by taking off the diaper and sitting them on the potty - and just wait. In the beginning you have to do this every 45 minutes, and you'll sometime sit there for an hour or more until they 'go.'
Don't be tempted to quit. If you give up too soon, the whole potty plan will fail! Some babies catch on quickly, but on average it can take 1-3 months of this rigorous schedule to get potty training right.
It's not for the faint of heart - but think about it. The ends are worth the means.
Our little guy caught on pretty quickly - and even asked for the potty himself a few times. We found the “Once Upon a Potty” book and DVD to be very helpful - and that was just at one-year-old. Most babies are way over two when they start potty training.
When I say 'let down your guard,' I mean you may wish to let your little one see you using the 'big potty' so they have an idea of what goes on.
Now, this freaks some people out - after all, the bathroom is our private time. but kids catch on quickly. At 13-months-old, when our son saw Mommy using the 'potty' for the first time, he immediately ran into his nursery to grab a fresh diaper for mommy to change into! And clapped his hands when he saw I was done with my 'potty.'
So it’s not weird. Kids simply like copying adults. They even learn faster by seeing and copying adults. Why shouldn’t this include bathroom habits?
Be sure to praise them with they have 'pee pee’d' or 'pooped' in the potty.
Just start by taking off the diaper and sitting them on the potty - and just wait. In the beginning you have to do this every 45 minutes, and you'll sometime sit there for an hour or more until they 'go.'
Don't be tempted to quit. If you give up too soon, the whole potty plan will fail! Some babies catch on quickly, but on average it can take 1-3 months of this rigorous schedule to get potty training right.
It's not for the faint of heart - but think about it. The ends are worth the means.
Our little guy caught on pretty quickly - and even asked for the potty himself a few times. We found the “Once Upon a Potty” book and DVD to be very helpful - and that was just at one-year-old. Most babies are way over two when they start potty training.
When I say 'let down your guard,' I mean you may wish to let your little one see you using the 'big potty' so they have an idea of what goes on.
Now, this freaks some people out - after all, the bathroom is our private time. but kids catch on quickly. At 13-months-old, when our son saw Mommy using the 'potty' for the first time, he immediately ran into his nursery to grab a fresh diaper for mommy to change into! And clapped his hands when he saw I was done with my 'potty.'
So it’s not weird. Kids simply like copying adults. They even learn faster by seeing and copying adults. Why shouldn’t this include bathroom habits?
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